Singapore: Welcome to Hell

As a writer of the mundane, so to speak, the challenge can be in making even the most ordinary experiences seem at least somewhat interesting. It's not to say that it's necessary to bend the truth or to falsify. However, more often than not, I am forced to look at those experiences from certain angles, to be selective in the details that are provided, and when it is called for, a dose of wit and irony to lend some humour (and naturally, sophistication) in relaying the exploits of the everyday.

However, every once in awhile something comes along that requires no spin or real commentary from me; something that stands on its own in full ludicrous glory, daring the world to take it seriously but ultimately failing by leaps and bounds. That something, my friends, is what I deem Singapore's No.1 tourist attraction: 'Haw Par Villa.'

According to the Lonely Planet Singapore City Guide, 'Haw Par Villa' was constructed by Aw Boon Haw, "one of the brothers behind the Tiger Balm miracle-ointment fortune, who stumped up over $1 million in the 1930s to build this tacky, unbelievably kitsch Chinese mythology theme park." In discussing his vision for the park, Aw Boon Haw once stated that "What [he had] in mind will be unique, like nothing anybody has seen." Indeed, I would wager that upon seeing the park, most people wouldn't know what to think or do about it either, which probably explains how it survived the Japanese invasion during WWII, and why the Singapore government hasn't re-zoned the land for HDB purposes.

















Suddenly The Mouse don't look so bad.














Aw Boon Haw converted this 1926 roadster into a self-styled "Tiger Mobile." Over thirty years later, the creators of the Adam West "Batman" series would emulate this motif in the guise of the Cat-Mobile and Joker-Mobile, respectively.

'Haw Par Villa' might be best described as a kind of Disneyland without the rides, elaborate animatronics, costumed characters, endless rows of merchandise shops, parades, churros and Star Tours (although it would seem like the perfect place to resurrect Captain EO). In fact, 'Haw Par Villa' feels more like a graveyard for your grandmother's garden gnomes, as twenty-five clusters of various statues and figurines dot the landscape of the park, depicting, in often surreal detail, various characters and stories from Chinese mythology (the one exception being a replica of the Statue of Liberty, which I couldn't quite figure out).





































































Of course, the real attraction for the unassuming visitor to 'Haw Par Villa' is its prize exhibit: The 10 Courts of Hell, reminiscent of the old Smurf Cave at Canada's Wonderland had the builders of said fine attraction been doing crack-cocaine rather than LSD during the early planning stages. Rather than the happy melodies of those little blue men (and woman) greeting you as you entered the Cave, the path to the 10 Courts of Hell is lined with the aftermath of blood-soaked carnage in the form of piles of skulls, bloody, dismembered heads, and little rat medics carting away little rat casualties of war, many of whom writhe in pools of blood with various parts of their little rat bodies cut off.












































The journey really begins when you enter the dark, ominous opening of the cave as you descend into a frightful, violent, bloody, and sadistically amusing cave of horrors, which depicts in a series of graphic, three-dimensional tableaus, what will happen to you in the afterlife should you really screw up here. At this point, I'll turn things over to the fine folks at www.spi.com.sg who can fill you in on the necessary historical and religious context of the "10 Courts of Hell":


Buddhists believe that reincarnation is a form of reward; a retribution on their journey to Nirvana. The Ten Courts of Hell are purgatory where a person is sent to be punished for the sins and misdeeds of their past life. A sinner must go through all Ten Courts and in the tenth, final judgment will determine his form of reincarnation.

The legend of the Ten Courts of Hell tells of the punishments that await sinners after their death but before reincarnation is determined. The sinner is sent to 'hell' where he will be tormented by demonic-looking 'Yama attendants' for the misdeeds he has committed in his past life. 

In purgatory, the Ten Courts of Hell are a labyrinth of infernal dungeons, each presided over by a judge who is known as the 'President' and a Registrar of Life and Death. The Presidents are recognized by their long black beards and square flat hats from which hang strings of beads. Registrars record the details of the punishment and hold a brush and set of documents.

 The sinner will go through nine courts before judgment is finally reached. In each of the nine courts, he is punished for the particular sin that he has committed.

 In the First Court of Hell, the virtuous are led over a golden bridge to paradise. The silver bridge to paradise is for those whose good deeds during their life outweighed the bad. Evil doers - the ones we have really come to see - are sent to repent before the Mirror of Retribution (where all their past sins are revealed to them) and then taken to a court of hell for punishment.















First Court of Hell
Crime: Violating the code of filial piety
Punishment: Put under heavy slabs and boulders or squeezed in the middle of the grinder

Second Court of Hell
Crime: Gossiping
Punishment: Having your tongue pierced

Crime: Stealing
Punishment: Made to kneel on steel granules

Crime: Wickedness
Punishment: Boiled in a cauldron, disemboweled, and put in a volcanic chamber













Third Court of Hell
Crime: Corruption and greed
Punishment: Handcuffed and beaten

Crime: Disobedience and disrespect to elders
Punishment: Have your ribs pierced, body grilled, your lungs, heart, liver, intestines and eyes torn out

Crime: Violating and state a Confucian principles or being an unjust official
Punishment: Have your heart removed, knees crushed and face scraped by a metal instrument













Fourth Court of Hell
Crime: General Sins
Punishment: Hurled into a torrential river, made to kneel on bamboo spikes, boiled in oil, head struck open

Crime: Cheating or evading income taxes
Punishment: Drowned under a heavy stone

Crime: Stealing
Punishment: Have your hands sawn off

Crime: Breaking promises
Punishment: Have your lips split

















Fifth Court of Hell
Crime: Cruelty to animals and friends
Punishment: Have your heart torn out with hooks or thrown onto protruding swords

In this Sixth Court of Hell, those who have already been punished but are still unrepentant, are punished further. This includes all crimes against any deity or Buddha or breaking any Buddhist or Confucian laws.

Sixth Court of Hell
Crime: Stealing from temples committing blasphemy
Punishment: Made to kneel on iron nails, sawn in two, gnawed by rats

Crime: Killing animals
Punishment: Have your body chopped in half

















Seventh Court of Hell
Crime: Rebelling against authorities
Punishment: Torn apart by dogs

Crime: Spreading false rumours
Punishment: Have your tongue pulled out

Crime: Using drugs, causing quarrels
Punishment: Thrown into a pot of boiling water

















Eighth Court of Hell
Crime: Committing crimes against Confucianism and operating houses for immoral purposes
Punishment: Crushed under carriage wheels, sliced, disemboweled, struck by lighting, and having tongues, arms and legs cut off













Ninth Court of Hell
Crime: Smuggling, committing arson
Punishment: Attacked by snakes, stung by bees, tortured or trafficking drugs in boiling oil

Crime: Writing or painting erotic literature or scenes
Punishment: Flattened between two planks, have your head crushed in an iron ring, skull steamed, bones scraped and tendons pulled out

















In the Tenth Court of Hell, the President passes his final judgment and the sinner goes through one of the seven-ways in the Wheel of Reincarnation. Shaped like a wheel, wind and clouds billow out from the circle in the centre and the six other circles surrounding it. Depending on the sinner's past life, he will enter a particular way which will determine how he will be reborn.

Tenth Court of Hell
The sinner will be reincarnated as:
First Way: Wealthy and powerful human
Second Way: Birds
Third Way: Farmers and labourers
Fourth Way: Working class folk
Fifth Way: Dragons, fish, crabs, insects or sea creatures
Sixth Way: Lions, tigers, horses, deer, elephant or other four-legged animals
Seventh Way: Poor, lonely and the destitue

"When the reincarnation is decided, the sinner is usually shown with his future reincarnation (for example, the kind of animal), on his back. The sinner is then brought to a 'Pavilion of Forgetfulness' or 'Hell of Oblivion' where an old lady hands him a cup of magic tea that when drunk, make him forget his past life. He is then directed across one of the six bridges leading to 18,000 roads, each of which leads to some part of the world and to his particular form of reincarnation.


The only thing that I felt was left unanswered was what my punishment would be if I spat chewing gum on the sidewalk. In the meantime, remember to be kind to animals and respect your elders!

Stay Tuned...